My head hurts, my heart hurts, my body hurts, and every inch of me wants to cry.
“It hurts, it hurts, it hurts”, and I’m supposed to be able to function like this?
Maybe not, but I have work to do, and I can barely bring myself far enough out of my discomfort to make any progress with it.
This is crazy.
And I don’t even want to hide, because there’s no curling up and hiding from this.
It’s in every piece of me, in every corner, every crevice. There is no escape.
I don’t want to be in this world right now, and that’s not a suicidal thought.
It’s the simple fact that being conscious in this energy is HARD WORK.
It would be much simpler to sleep through it all, but I’m awake now and there is no crawling back into bed. And no crawling back into ignorance either.
As hard as I try, I can’t pretend this isn’t happening. I’ve come too far now. I am too tuned in to it all.
And honestly, I don’t want “out”, I just want “over”.
I know there is a point we will reach where all of this will be worthwhile. Where the memory of the unbearable “labour pains” is swamped by the magnificence of joy and liberation.
I’m just sick of the labour pains. I’m at that point of no return where it feels like I can’t take any more and am I cursing myself for getting myself into this.
“Remind me again why I agreed to do this?”
“Can I change my mind? I think I want to stay asleep.”
This baby is coming, and I just have to hold on.
One day at a time, one moment at a time, one breath at a time.
Breathe. Just breathe. Remember to breathe.