My kids have been saying this for the past few weeks, usually as a precursor to speaking in baby talk, and sometimes as an expression of displeasure, and it’s been driving me nuts. Especially the baby talk.
And yet it perfectly describes how I’m feeling right now.
Yesterday I had the most amazingly normal day. In, fact it was so normal that I really didn’t notice how normal it was.
I just did things, effortlessly and easily, and felt great. I even felt inspired to drive, which I haven’t been doing much of recently, and it was a non-issue.
I woke up on time, and even managed to fit in some meditation before getting on with my day. When I got home, I didn’t have to struggle to remember what I needed to do, and stuff just got done. Wonderful!
And then sometime in the evening, I felt myself going off again. This time it was having difficulty focusing, and being pissy at everything. I had stuff I was going to get done after the kids went to bed, but I just couldn’t face doing any of it. It all just seemed dumb and pointless.
But I’m stoked that I got almost 12 hours of being me. Just me. No weird stuff, no energy moving, no disfunction, no struggles. A blessed half day.
And I’m wondering if this is a taste of what’s to come. Maybe, just for a moment, the energy transformations eased, and I was able to keep up. Maybe I’ve integrated enough of the changes such that when a brief lull occurs, I can handle it.
I’m thinking this because I had a brief taste of this a few weeks ago, although that experience was more surprising, and it lasted for longer this time. Like maybe I’m getting better at this.
And today even started a little bit that way. I got up on time, meditated, drove around doing errands, and had a reasonably normal morning.
But then I got up mid morning to collect some paperwork and my legs almost gave way. Sigh. So it’s to be fatiguing muscles today is it?
This is different from my idiopathic sleep paralysis. It’s not that I can’t access my body, it’s that I can’t quite control what it does. I try to walk, and my legs give way, or they don’t go where I tried to put them, or I just stumble as I go. Almost as if my muscles are tiring quickly, and can only do so much, after which, they give up. Completely.
And it seems limited to my lower half. My top half mostly works OK, although it’s not working as hard, so perhaps that’s why it can do more. I did notice my speech getting a bit funny at times, as my mouth muscles refused to play nicely with my attempts to talk.
But mostly it means that I can’t move around. I might have the best of intentions to get up and walk somewhere, but my legs have other ideas, and I find myself inelegantly plopped on my behind.
It’s definitely a good way to stop me doing things, although, as you can see, I can still type. (Phew!) Mind you, in contrast to the times when my emotions are out of whack, and I find solace in the virtual world of computers and programming, I don’t have that much interest in it right now.
And I’ve also lost my name index. I can tell you everything you could ever want to know about a person – where they’re from, what they do, stories about them – but I have no hope whatsoever of recalling their name.
And it’s not that I’ve forgotten their name, because I know it’s in there. It’s just that I can’t access it right now. I might be able to get a small piece of it, and eventually drag it out, but it’s hard work, so mostly I don’t bother trying.
So I guess the best thing for me to do is go lie in bed and listen to all the wonderful abundance audio programs I’ve bought in the last couple of weeks.
So much for my plans for this evening. Apparently the universe has other ideas.