After my fabulously “normal” day on Monday, I’ve spent the last two days somewhere else completely.
Constantly feeling like I’m dizzy and on the edge of passing out, and every time I move my head, especially down, I feel like I’m leaving myself behind.
Today it got especially intense, after I had a rather cold green smoothie. I felt like the roaring was starting up and I was about to pass out. So I lay down for a bit, and although it stabilised, it really didn’t get that much better.
Just don’t make me move too fast. Or think too hard. Or do anything that requires that I am present. Like driving.
And yet I can function well at many levels. Just not physically and mentally?!
I keep coming back from somewhere with a jolt, and find myself thinking, “oh right, this is where I am,” as if I keep forgetting where I’ve left my body.
Like as much of me as I can possible drag away is off somewhere doing something else much more important, and I’ve just left a skeleton crew in charge of my body.
And I feel constantly uncomfortable, as though there’s something moving through me inexorably, that I want over and done with.
The feeling reminds me of labour, although thankfully a lot less painful. I can’t get comfortable no matter what I do, and I just want it out of me, whatever “it” is.
Unsettled and vague, all at once.
I guess that answers the question, “What comes next?”
And I wonder what I’m off doing right now. I hope it’s really important, because it’s kind of disconcerting, dragging around a body that’s only half here, and wondering why I can’t tell my butt from my elbow.
Cheese and whiskers! How does it manage every time to be completely different from anything that’s happened before, and weirder than ever before?
Onward and upward.