I had the best of intentions this weekend to do some catching up.
What with my recent cold and all the weird stuff, I’ve let our stash of frozen meals run quite low, and the kids are running out of options, so I really wanted to do some solid cooking.
And I had it all planned out. I’d get up early on Saturday, get the shopping done early, and knock over a bunch of stuff by Saturday afternoon.
I even managed to do a whole pile of cooking on Friday evening, so I could get the rest of it done on Saturday afternoon, leaving Sunday free to work on this week’s assignment for my online course I’m currently doing.
Ha! The universe had other ideas.
Saturday turns odd
Worked splendidly up until the “get lots of things cooked on Saturday afternoon” part.
At about 2PM, just after I’d finished the bare essentials on my “to cook” list, I managed to get horribly distracted researching hemp seeds.
I also had an insanely itchy head (and no I don’t have head-lice, I checked). And in truth, my head had been itchy since early last week, but it finally got too much and I decided to find a homeopathic remedy for it.
Turns out that Mezereum is perfect for itchy scalps, and I just happened to have some in 6C, so I took a dose.
And that’s when things got weird.
I’d been feeling the energy swirling and pulsing all day, as people everywhere tried to deal with the election. Stuff was moving big time and I kept sensing it moving.
But when I had a dose of Mezereum, it just leapt up a notch.
I was almost writhing with the intensity of the energy moving through me, and it felt good, almost orgasmic, but without the sexual element.
I decided to have a shower to help the energy work through, and as I climbed into the shower, there, on the curtain, right in front of my eyes, was the biggest bleeding cockroach I’ve ever seen. And he just sat there the whole time, while I had my shower. WTF?
When I looked up animal totems, I found that the cockroach represents survival and flexibility and that when one appears, “our sensitivity to subtle changes will be magnified”. And how.
Then I looked up Mezereum, and kept finding all kinds of physical uses and meanings for it, but nothing about its metaphysical aspects.
And then I found this awesome article about a homeopath’s journey with mezereum, and the spiritual side of the remedy. I resonated so much with her story, that I cried just reading it, and the most significant part was that an unhealthy Mezereum state is embodied by a loss of connection to self, because of an overwhelming desire to please others, and a fear of doing something wrong.
And what I had I been clearing just the day before using the Emotion Code? Not wanting to choose and create for fear of getting it wrong.
Wow. And I had to get an itchy head just so I would take some of this stuff.
The energy movement was intense, but it felt so good that I voluntarily took more of it. But the only way I could cope with the intensity was to hide away in front of the computer, distracting my brain with technical details so I didn’t get overwhelmed by the experience.
Sunday hides away
Sunday started early, because the Adamus channel from Crimson Circle began a half hour earlier than normal, at 6:30AM.
Once again we snuggled in bed to watch it, and once again, as Adamus led us through an “experience” I could NOT keep my eyes open. I drifted in and out through the entire last half hour of the channel, barely conscious, and yet as soon as it was over, I was wide awake.
Wide awake and stuck in bed. Not one speck of me wanted to get up, and so I could not. The thought of having to do to anything I was “supposed” to was unbearably excruciating.
So instead I lay there for ages and then finally snuck out to the garage in my PJs, and again lost myself in the virtual world of websites and PHP and blogging.
I managed to go out in the world briefly to R’s piano concert in the afternoon, but as soon as I came back the energy started moving again, big time.
I grunted and groaned as the energy moved through me, even as I continued to distract my mind with technical tinkering, and I found myself dreading the thought of going to bed. It was reminiscent of my depressive days, where going to bed meant dealing with yet another day, only this time it was because going to bed meant stopping the distractions that were making the experience bearable.
And when I finally dragged myself to bed, my mind was so disconnected from my body that when P started trying to arouse me sexually, it had no effect whatsoever. It wasn’t even annoying, it just did nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
As though I was aware of having a body, but I wasn’t really occupying it at all.
Monday starts anew
And today, the energy continued to move, in odd and unexpected ways. Without warning through the day, I’d freeze, or contort, or writhe, or stretch, in unusual ways, as the energy flowed through me.
Anyone watching would have thought I was mad. Fortunately, the ones who get to see it know me better than that. But I still think it throws them sometimes. Especially the noises.
Once again I settled down to work listening to the soundtrack from Les Miserables, and at around 1:30PM this afternoon, halfway through the second-last song, something big released.
In a heartbeat, there was no more heaviness. The songs that had once torn at my heart, and filled me with angst and awareness of struggle, suddenly filled me with joy and love. I could only listen with delight at everyone’s experience, no matter how “terrible” it appeared to be.
It was almost as though I couldn’t see the illusion any more, every piece of it was just amazing and wonderful. I could truly experience this as a game, and love every bit of it without getting caught up in the drama at all.
It almost felt as though I had literally been “enlightened”. Not in the usual sense, but in a very practical, physical sense. There was nothing left to weigh me down. I no longer feared anything, because I could see it for what it was, and loved EVERY detail.
The energy shifting kept moving through the afternoon, but it was as though I was getting a lot more energy than I was used to, and I was needing to find ways to let it out.
I managed to get more done than I expected, and I even found myself having fun, spontaneously.
I also smelled strange things during the course of the day. Like the smoke from the cap guns we had as kids, and greasy chicken drumsticks, while sitting at my desk at work. I had the impression they represented pieces of me that were moving on. Attached to memories I no longer need.
It’s definitely getting more enjoyable.
The energies are intense and sometimes overpowering, but I feel like I’m just having to adjust to a new level of capability. Less and less I feel disabled by the energies that move, although that’s still often the end result, and more often I feel like I have my finger in a light socket and it’s just a question of adjusting. And once I do, it actually feels pretty good.
And I think I’m learning to trust from the heart, and be content to let the mind go.
I’m out of my mind, and it feels good.
But my head is still itchy, darn it.